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Journals: HENG SURE: May 22, 1977 - For the first time I'm feeling a build•up of concentration like an engine that slowly warms up during the first morning hour of bowing and then maintains its heat through lunch (This is new! Halleluiah!) and then continues to run strong in the afternoon. I look forward to when Heng Ch’au and I have our routine down so we can maintain a pure, silent cultivation and concentration. We are into wealthy neighborhoods: each house is a fantasy of elegant noble living memorialized in stone. Each arched•top carriage house a picture, the Mercedes parked lust so, the expansive lawns green despite the water•rationed drought. The slate roofs and marble porticos frame the baronial splendor of the gardens and walks. Everything is perfect••all drawn from "House and Garden.” But the residents are not so finely built, especially the children. Two young boys owning the street we audaciously crept along••one on a 20•speed bike and one on a $30 skate board move languidly out of the way to allow our van enough room to pass. Young boys 12•14 years old, their play clothes bought at Bullock’s••from tousled hair to racing shoes all the finest••but their faces? Ghost•like, pale and puffy. Their eyes have no spark, no wonder, no interest. They represent a dull challenge to authority. They are children off the edge. They do not seek knowledge of the world. They have been swamped in materiality••been given every possible toy and game and food and tool. They are overstuffed with protective concern but undernourished on love and learning. Dull, yin, passive, and angry, the boys had no masculinity, no Mars, no humor: only the blank mouth•open sniffle of a child. They need a father, a grandfather, older brothers, a neighborhood, a day and night without color TV, pajamas, the kitchen, interviews with parents, etc. They need love and life. If they grow up without it, the world will suffer when they come into power. Sometimes I am aware of the weight of the vow is bring the Sutra home to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. The work ahead is easy if you go straight, and hard if you slip off. We are adrift in Los Angeles, Dharma fugitives in a sea of Saha suffering. The job for us is to learn to be left•home people all the time. We must learn to behave as models of deportment for left•home people and for lay people. We have to face our own situations, apply correct principles, and set up the proper dharma. HENG CH'AU: I need to be more careful about false thinking, about leaving cracks or holes for outflows. It is very difficult and subtle--so fine can be an outflow. offering: two pairs of shoes, four pairs of socks, lunch, alarm clock, and cheese. Food and Cultivation. On weekends especially the lay people inundate us with food and goodies. It's real easy to blame others for your own greed. For awhile there were lots of donuts and pastries showing up. We gobbled them. They kept coming. At first we looked outside and said, "Now this is no good. This sugar is messing up our bowing and desires. How can we tell them. They wouldn't really understand and might feel insulted." etc. But if we had taken one donut, split it and said no thank you to the rest, there would have been no problem. Because we ate them, they concluded, "They like sweets." So we turned the eyes within and stopped eating the sugar treats and what? Haven't seen even a cookie since. We are in part what we do and people see and trust this more clearly than what we say. Had cheese for lunch and in first bow after I couldn't concentrate for diddle. Felt like my head was coming off. Scratch cheese. My temples were bursting. In general, the lay people here are really excited about giving; creating blessings and merit through giving and supporting the Sangha. The amount and intensity of this sincere giving far exceeds what Heng Sure and I need and at some point obstructs our cultivation, because we let it. It was time to say something but not something that would stop the flow. Rather we wanted to do it in a way that would enlarge and expand it to where it was needed. Don't cut it off, channel it. A delicate issue for sure. We put together some ideas and waited for the right time to say it. Sunday was the birthday of Shakyamuni Buddha and everybody came ready to hear some dharma after lunch. Here's how it went: On Shakyamuni Buddha's birthday I felt it would be appropriate to say a few words to all of you. Being a good Dharma Protector is very much like being a good gardener. The most important jobs are keeping out pests and predators and caring for and nourishing the plants and flowers to insure their continual healthy growth. You people have made this trip possible through your good care of us in Los Angeles. Most likely we could not have come this far if it were not for your generosity and concern. But we cannot settle for the small and forget the bigger picture. In this regard I am reminded of a story about the time my grandfather asked me to water the flowers. I went out to the garden with the water and found the flowers, big white mums, and I gave each blooming flower a dose of the water. I returned and grandfather said, "Did you water the flowers?" "Yes, I did," I replied. Several weeks passed and I became the regular gardener. Before long I noticed that the flowers looked sad and droopy. I asked grandfather what was wrong and he watched my method just once and said, "Look here, you can't just water the blooms; you've got to water the whole plant, especially the roots. If you water the roots, the blooms will grow lust fine. But if you water just the blooms then the whole thing will soon die." This was the principle of good gardening that I learned from my grandfather: water the roots and the whole plant flourishes. And we can apply this same principle to the work of spreading the Dharma in America. Heng Sure and I are like two flower blooms. We are the visible part of Gold Mountain Monastery. Our needs are very few. We are out here doing this work so as to endure suffering. It is said that "to endure suffering is to end suffering, but to receive your blessings is to exhaust your blessings." We must take this chance to cultivate and really endure some bitterness so that there will be more merit to transfer to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. That is our work. Now your work of Dharma protection is also very important. Of all the perfections, giving is foremost. Here in the frontier of the Proper Dharma in the West there is an unexcelled chance to create great blessings and to make measureless amounts of merit. So like a good gardener we must not just water the blossoms and forget the roots which are the Venerable Abbot and the entire Sangha of Gold Mountain Monastery. We must expand our compassion and giving and work in a garden of larger scope. Don't settle for the small and just use energy to give to these two flowers when there is a whole plant to nourish and protect and help grow. When the plant of the Dharma grows into a healthy, broad Bodhi tree, then all living beings can enjoy its fruit and take refuge in its shade. Find the big plant and nourish its roots and in this way be a Dharma Realm gardener. As the Buddha Shakyamuni, the Tathagata, was known as the "doubly complete one," complete in blessings and complete in wisdom, his blessings came from his perfection of giving and making others happy. His wisdom came from cultivation and as we are all going to be Buddhas in the future, we should recognize the importance of working hard right now on our own cultivation. Whether you recite the Buddha's name or Kuan Yin Bodhisattva's name, or whether you recite a mantra or read sutras or hold the five precepts: no killing, no stealing, no lying, no sexual misconduct, and no taking intoxicants, all of these are excellent ways to cultivate wisdom. Precepts come first, then concentration comes from regular practice and then wisdom is produced. It appears from your own Buddha•nature. So we should put these principles into practice and resolve to cultivate a big Buddha•garden and grow ten thousand doubly•perfect ones and not rest until the work is complete and all living beings end their suffering! Sunday P.M. Just finished bowing. There was a lot of anger and hostility in these last 6 or 7 blocks. People have got to be sitting on some kind of huge powder keg to be that stirred up by a couple of bowing monks. You know how it hurts to be touched when you have a really bad fever? I think it's something like that. But how can you get better until you're sick of being sick? "Get up you fools, you sick or something?" and a squeal of rubber. Paying money for drinking water end to use a toilet and air raid sirens every four blocks, now that makes sense, but bowing and seeking to reduce hostility and disasters, now that's just stupid and embarrassing. Young boys, "Do you believe in God?" Monk: "Sure. All of them." Boy: "Do you believe in Jesus?" Monk: "Believe what?" Boy: "That he was the Savior." Monk: "Did he save you?" Boy: "Yes, he did." Monk: "Then he must be, right?" Boy: "What do you believe in?" Other boy: "Do you believe in the devil?" Monk: "Yep. I believe in everything: you, me, the ants, the air, Jesus, Allah, the grass, your parents... 1 believe all gods and devils are inside of you, too." Other boy: "What?" Monk: "When you're really good and peaceful isn't that like God?" Boy: "Sure." Monk: "And when you're full of hate and anger, who's that?" Other boy: "The devil!" First boy: "No, no, no! God is all forgiving." Monk: "Mostly it's important to be peaceful.” Boys: "I can dig that••see ya mister." Monk "See ya boys.' Interesting thing happened while bowing. A group of hays gathered across the street building up for some amusing assault. Just then a police car passed, slowed and stopped••waiting. It was clear they were watching to see that we were not molested. Far out! Bit different from our first run•in at that upasika's garage! With the L.A.P.D. protecting Three Steps, One Bow••well, who knows... HENG SURE: May 23, 1977 Heng Sure: I think I passed that test okay today. Heng Ch'au: Which test? Heng Sure: What test was there today besides the demon soprano? Heng Ch'au: Well there was the morning recitation test, the t'ai chi test, the orange juice test, the wash•up test, the getting dressed test, the bowing test, the neighbor lady test, and others, too. Heng Sure: Hmmm. I see what you mean. HENG CH'AU: May 23, 1977 - After a humorous, mad, crazy, chaotic dream 1 am feeling incredible. I keep understanding "seeing"••it's like I’ve got eyes all over my body••they smell and feel, see through walls and for miles and the tip of my nose. I feel such a sense of freedom, ease••light of heart and spirit. Nothing matters, it's all ok. Just fine. The harder I work, the more difficult it is, the happier and more free I am and the more “seeing” occurs. The funniest and most empty of all is “me,” my “self.” The humor begins there and then expands. Where are the words to describe this-- can’t find them. It’s too large, too mobile and fluid to be held and looked at. Just then it’s gone. Try to catch it, it’s gone. Its truth is no self and it flees my mad grasping mind. And yet it’s right here now all of us, awake or sleeping, thus. Very funny, deadly serious. Laughing so hard I step into dog excrement. I’ve got to be careful not to float away. Humus (ground), humor, humility. The Cadillac dealership on the corner has an armed guard by the front door loaded and deadly 45 cal., waiting. Now what’s that about? Nobody’s going to shoplift a 3-ton car. Is it part of the exclusive mystique? To protect what? How many times have we been killed by angry eyes? What would happen if when all this repressed hate and anger spilled forth there were guns with it? Who could you kill? Most murders in the U.S. are between relatives. But who isn’t a relative--part of the family? If you would kill for a Cadillac then what would you do if your spouse or favorite T.V. shows were killed? If you stubbed your toe or were ridiculed by a bunch of kids? It’s an escalating circle, this anger and revenge, pride and fear. It starts with a single false thought in our hearts and ends up in a holster of a guard in a car showroom. On a larger scale it’s floating overhead right now in huge bomber planes and in the hills nearby in ICBM’s. It all comes from the mind. We need to work harder on Three Steps, One Bow: I got angry over a parking ticket and the armed guard thinks we are positively stupid. That’s the stuff wars are made from, and droughts. “Meter Man” who collects coins shows up. We saw him last week too on Wilshire and talked briefly then. Today he says, “Somebody else did this bowing thing.” “Really.” “Yea. All the way across the country.” Us: “Somebody’s more stupid than us?” Man: “Oh, no. Not stupid, just devoted.” A big change from last week’s smirk. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Twenty or thirty men in various jock outfits are waiting anxiously outside Jack La Lanne’s Health Spa this a.m. as we bow by. In the preface to the Bodhisattva precepts it says, “A strong body in good health is like a ragingly wild stallion for it is impossible to retain it long. The passing of a person’s life is as fleeting as the bounding waters of a mountain stream. Although one may be alive and healthy, it is impossible to guarantee even one more day of survival.” L.A. isn’t exceptional really. It’s just a concentrate and a few degrees more extreme than much of America and the world. Looking outside for solutions and escapes from the inevitable death and birth, birth and death is as timeless as birth and death itself. In L.A. the search for outside ways is pushing the limits. Fad food, bottled immortality, health spas to retard and even stop decay and aging abound. In Forest Lawn Cemetery nobody is really dead—they’re resting, waiting, vacationing, meditation, listening to music, etc., anything but rotting and returning to the elements. This frantic last minute clutching and seeking is what happens when there’s no other way to investigate death and dying. Even your new car won’t keep out King Yama when it’s time. It was on this issue: what happens when you die and before you’re born that my sister and I were finally able to connect and talk truly and Buddhism and cultivation. Ultimately that’s what it’s about. She knew it. I knew it. The men at the health spa know it and I suspect all the “loved ones” at Forest Lawn know it best. There’s a lot of people looking, wondering, and hoping to stop the wheel. Lunch conversation: Upasika: “There are a lot of Jewish people in this area. Have you noticed any differences from the last neighborhood?” Monk: “We don’t see many people--I mean we don’t meet any people because we’re invisible.” Upasika: “Huh?” Monk: “Well, we are going s slow and everybody else is going so fast they don’t see us. We are right there but can’t be seen.” Other monk: “We could probably sit in full lotus in the middle of a street and nobody could see us unless we went as fast as they were going.” Monk: “Probably is we could slow ourselves down more we might be able to see the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Upasika: “Eat some more.” Later… Upasika: “How long did it take you to learn the Great Compassion Mantra?” Monk: “It depends. If you hear it a lot and work hard maybe three months--otherwise longer.” Upasika: “It’s really hard. I’ve been doing a couple of lines a day--but it’s hard.” Monk: “That’s really good. The Great Compassion Mantra is a wonderful Dharma door. Do you know about Kuo Kuei (Nicholson’s) father?” Upasika: “No.” Monk: “Well, Kuo Kuei’s father had cancer and was dying, so Kuo Kuei made a vow that his father wouldn’t die of cancer and recited the Great Compassion Mantra everyday many times.” Upasika: “Did he die of cancer?” Monk: “No. If you are really sincere, the mantra is very powerful.” Upasika: “Hmmm.” (obviously moved.)
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